


On a Knife Edge

by wildforce71



Category: Primeval
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-20
Updated: 2011-04-02
Packaged: 2017-10-17 04:07:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/172732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildforce71/pseuds/wildforce71
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s strange to think they’d need to be on guard here, but they’ve been gone a year, after all. He knows what living in a war zone is like, how hard it is to leave it behind sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. On a Knife Edge

When he thinks about it, later, Becker is surprised it hadn’t happened earlier.

The first debrief, though necessarily broad, takes almost two hours. There’ll be more indepth discussions later, focusing on specific aspects of the missing year, but for now they need only the bare bones of the story. Connor and Abby take turns, one picking up smoothly from the other.

Burton has vanished at some point, after effusively praising both of them and promising to study the debrief records very closely, but Matt is still listening, leaning against the glass wall of Lester’s office. Lester himself is being very businesslike, running through their statements, clarifying particulars as needed.

Becker is watching them. Connor keeps glancing up, looking from him to Matt and back. Abby is focused on Lester, but every minute or so she glances at the door. It doesn’t interrupt them; they keep talking smoothly.

 _They’re on guard,_ Becker thinks. Glancing at Matt, he catches the barest nod. So he’s noticed too. It’s strange to think they’d need to be on guard here, but they’ve been gone a year, after all. He knows what living in a war zone is like, how hard it is to leave it behind sometimes.

“Well, I think that’ll do for now.” Lester finishes whatever he’s writing, closing the folder.

“So what now?” Abby asks, glancing at the door again. Beside her, Connor looks from him to Matt and back to Lester, suddenly tense.

“Now you’ll both report to Medical,” Lester says briskly. “After that, Captain Becker will take you to the flat, where you will both take a few days to relax before we see about...”

“About the jobs we don’t have anymore?” Connor says bitterly. Abby touches his arm and he grimaces, slumping down in his chair.

“Yes, well. We’ll worry about that after tomorrow’s debriefs.” Lester clears his throat. “Jess?”

Jess, who’s been wandering in and out to offer drinks and snacks and gaze adoringly at Connor, comes to the doorway. “Yes?”

“Make sure the flat is ready, won’t you?”

“Yes sir.”

“Check the food, too,” Becker adds, and Connor swivels to study him. “Nothing too rich.” Catching Connor’s eye, he raises a questioning eyebrow.

“Long as there’s coffee, mate.”

“He tried to grow his own,” Abby confides.

“Didn’t work out so well?” Matt asks.

Both jump – Matt hasn’t spoken since the debrief started – and Abby spins to look at him. Matt raises one hand apologetically, careful not to move. “Sorry.”

“It didn’t work out too well,” Connor agrees, touching Abby’s arm to get her focused on him again. She relaxes, slowly, still watching Matt suspiciously but no longer on a knife edge.

Lester catches Becker’s eye and he nods. “Let’s go, guys.” He doesn’t move until after he’s spoken.

Connor and Abby don’t talk much as they head for Medical, both busy taking in everything around them. Becker leads the way without looking back; Matt follows along behind, providing explanations for the various changes when Abby asks him. Becker hasn’t really noticed how many procedures had changed in the past year, though he should; most are a direct result of either Connor and Abby’s last mission, or the disastrous rescue attempts it prompted.

Medical isn’t quite ready when they get there, so they chat awkwardly a little more. Becker is almost relieved when a nurse appears and says briskly, “Abby? This way.”

Connor moves with her without seeming to think about it, but the nurse stops him at the door. “We’re not ready for you yet. You’ll have to wait out here.”

“What?” Connor says blankly. “No.” At the same time, Abby says, “He can come in with me.”

“No, he can’t,” the nurse says firmly. “Come on.”

Connor shakes his head, taking another step forward. “I’m going with her.”

“No, you’re—“

“Can I make a suggestion?” Matt asks, voice mild. Connor half-turns to watch him; one hand is locked on Abby’s sleeve. Looking at the nurse, Matt continues, “You have privacy curtains? Use those, and leave the door open. Connor can stand right here with us and keep talking to Abby.”

Becker shifts position, casually resting one hand on his gun, and the nurse sighs. “It’s against regs...”

“Just this once.” Matt’s voice is still mild. “Special circumstances, and all.”

The doctor appears from inside the room, taking in the group with no surprise. “Miss Maitland? Your bed’s ready, this way.” He gestures to a bed partially surrounded by privacy screens. “This won’t take long.”

Abby glances at Connor, who lets go of her with an obvious effort. She follows the doctor towards the bed, and he pulls the screen across, blocking their view.

“Abby?” Connor says immediately.

“Yep,” she answers. He sags in relief as the doctor starts a verbal examination.

Connor turns, putting his back to the wall by the door. Catching Matt’s eye, he mouths ‘thank you.’ Matt dismisses it with a wave and a shrug.

“Where’s Rex?” Abby calls, hissing in a breath. Connor tenses but doesn’t move.

“Down in Acquisitions,” Becker says. To Connor, he adds, “Sid and Nancy, too. Lester brought them in a while after...” He trails off, and Connor nods tiredly.

“Better leave them there until we figure something out,” he says absently. Abby hisses again, a long, drawn-in sound, and he twists to look inside.

“Sorry, I know that’s cold,” the doctor says calmly. “Deep breaths, please.”

“Connor, let me get you something to drink,” Becker says softly. Both Connor and Abby have refused to take anything so far, apparently suspicious of anything they haven’t gathered themselves.

“Yeah,” Connor says absently, still listening, and then shakes his head. “Yeah. Thanks, mate.”

“I’ll go,” Matt says, pushing off the wall.

“No,” Connor says sharply, but the look he gives Becker is pleading.

Becker nods, glancing at Matt. “Come on.” To Connor, he adds, “Wait for us. _Here,_ Connor.” Connor salutes weakly and he nods, turning.

He can hear Matt behind him, but he doesn’t stop until they’re two corridors away. “Sorry,” he offers.

Matt shrugs. “It’s understandable. I should make myself scarce, yeah?”

Becker shakes his head, making the decision on the spur of the moment. “No. Come back with me.”

“Becker, I don’t mind, they’re traumatised...”

“They’ll need to get to know you sometime.” Becker turns, heading for the nearest break room.

“You do see it,” Matt says quietly, lingering in the doorway. “Abby’s ready to kill someone, and Connor isn’t far behind.”

“Yes.” Becker takes a couple of bottles of water and two cereal bars, tossing the bars to Matt. “We can’t blame them. A year in the Cretaceous, you or I’d be jumpy too.”

“Mmm.” Matt pushes off the doorframe, heading back towards Medical.

Connor is standing exactly where they left him, halfway through describing the meal he’s planning on having when they get out. Becker slips past him, sticking one hand around the privacy screen with the bottle of water.

Someone takes it from him, and the doctor says, “Please tell Mr Temple that if he eats anything he’s been describing, he’ll be violently ill.”

“He doesn’t care, it’s all about the food,” Abby tells him. She sounds tired. Whatever has been keeping them upright is obviously wearing off, and he thinks culture shock is probably setting in. “Thanks, Becker.”

“There’s cereal bars?” he offers.

“When I’m done, thanks.”

Becker retreats to the corridor, giving the second bottle to Connor. He checks the seal before opening it, grimacing apologetically at Becker. Matt offers him one of the bars; he takes it, nibbling at it unenthusiastically.

The doctor appears around the edge of the privacy screen. “We’re almost done,” he says before Connor can speak. “I need to ask Miss Maitland some personal questions, though. Is it alright if I shut the door?”

Becker silently blesses Lester for getting them this particular doctor.

“Connor?” Abby calls, voice high.

“How long’ll it take?” Connor asks quietly.

“Only a few minutes. I’m sorry, I really can’t let you in.”

“They’ve been living together for a year,” Matt points out. “There can’t be many secrets.”

“I’m sorry. Doctor-patient privilege. I can’t let him listen to this.”

“It’s alright, Matt.” Connor nods, raising his voice. “I’ll be in in a minute, Abs! Just play nice with the doctor. No breaking his finger.”

“ _One_ time, that was _one_ time! And you were asking for it!”

The doctor smiles, taking a step backwards. “Three minutes, I promise. Then we’ll be ready for you.”

Connor nods again, watching as the door closes. Leaning against the wall, he slides down it, pulling his knees up and burying his face in his arms.

Becker crouches beside him, watching. “Connor?”

“I didn’t think about you,” Connor tells his knees. “Not after a while. I thought about Stephen, and Professor Cutter. Captain Ryan. That was safe. I’m never going to see them again anyway.”

Becker shifts, looking at Matt, who takes a couple of steps away. If Connor sees the movement, he doesn’t react, still talking in that strange, flat tone. “I thought about the ARC, a bit. About the work. Not about the people. I couldn’t...it wasn’t ever...” He pulls in a breath, saying in a rush “I couldn’t think about here and live there, I’d have gone insane.”

Becker touches his shoulder; when Connor doesn’t react he grips it lightly, trying to give him something to ground himself with. “It’s alright,” he says gently. _This is it,_ he thinks. _Connor’s remarkable strength is used up, and he’s going to break._

Connor sobs once, but then the doctor opens the door and he scrambles to his feet, scrubbing his face with the back of his hand. The move makes him seem ridiculously young, despite the beard and long hair. “Is she alright?”

“She’s fine, absolutely fine. I took some blood to run a couple of tests, but I don’t foresee any problems. Go on in, you can have a couple of minutes before I start your exam.”

Connor is gone on the word and the doctor turns to Becker. “She really does seem fine. I mean, considering. No long term effects that I can see at the moment.”

“Thank you, Dr...”

“Westphall,” he says cheerfully. “Ready for round two?”

Abby seems even jumpier than Connor when she steps out of the room. Becker reminds himself that she’s just had a medical exam, something that could unsettle anyone at the best of times. Matt offers her the second cereal bar and she takes it without hesitation, studying it for a moment before opening the package.

“I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your name.”

“Matt, Anderson.”

“Matt Anderson,” she repeats softly. “And how long have you been here, Matt Anderson?”

“A while now.”

“A while now. Isn’t that cosy.”

Behind the privacy partition, Dr Westphall clears his throat. “Ready, Connor? Good. Tell me, your report says you were injured when you went through the Anomaly, can...”

“Not when we went through,” Connor corrects him, voice steady. “A little later. We had to set off a stun grenade. I caught the edge of the blast and fell out of a tree.”

“How far?”

“Maybe eight feet?” His voice rises questioningly.

“Eight’s about right,” Abby agrees.

Becker listens, though he knows the basics, as Connor details the results of the fall; bruises, muscle strain, sprained ankle. Dr Westphall listens, hmm’ing along.

“Any lasting effects?”

“Apart from a fear of trees?”

“That must have been hard,” Matt says, drowning out Westphall’s next words. “Trying to survive the Cretaceous with him injured like that.”

“It wasn’t for long,” Abby says distantly. “Muscles heal pretty fast. Least he didn’t break anything.”

“Aye, there’s that.”

Becker catches her eye. “You should drink some more.”

Abby glances at the half-full bottle in her hand. “I’ll be sick. We didn’t have very much to drink, we had to boil everything. Took a long time.”

“Well, as soon as you can.”

“Yeah, I will. Connor? How you doing?”

“Fine.” Connor’s voice is flat, but he does seem to be alright.

“We’re nearly done,” Dr Westphall says absently. “Breathe in, Connor.”

Abby glances around, finding the nearest chair and dragging it next to the door. Curling into the seat, she tilts her head, clearly focusing on Connor.

Matt tugs his jacket off suddenly, offering it to her. “You look cold,” he explains when she blinks at it.

“Hmm,” she agrees, draping the jacket around her shoulders. “It was warmer there, I think. Haven’t really had time to think about it until now.”

Dr Westphall comes to the door, waiting until she looks up to speak. “I need to close the door now. It’ll just take a couple of minutes.”

Abby nods, fiddling with her water bottle. Westphall closes the door.

Matt tries conversation a couple of times, but Abby is curt and monosyllabic and he gives up. Becker waits patiently. Behind the door, Connor and Westphall talk quietly. It’s taking longer than it did for Abby, and Becker isn’t sure why that seems surprising.

Abby scrambles to her feet suddenly, knocking her chair over in her hurry. Before Becker can stop her she’s through the door, knocking the privacy screen aside. Connor pauses in mid-motion, jumper held in front of his chest.

“Alright?” he asks Abby.

She searches his face before nodding, one hand on his arm. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“I think we’re done anyway.” Glancing at Westphall, he says, “No, I haven’t.”

“Right. That’s everything, then.” Westphall starts writing on the chart. “You can finish getting dressed.”

Connor nods, pulling the top on. Becker very carefully does not wince as the scars and bruises littering his chest come into view. Thankfully, most seem relatively minor.

Abby is glaring at him when he shifts his gaze, and he shrugs apologetically.

“You’re both good to go,” Westphall says briskly. “Be very careful what you eat, especially you, Connor. No ice cream sundaes just yet.”

“Especially Connor?” Matt repeats.

“I was sick a couple of weeks ago. Food poisoning.”

“I told you they weren’t oysters,” Abby reminds him.

“They were molluscs. I wasn’t expecting pearls, I just wanted something different.”

“Well, I trust you’ve learned your lesson on that,” Westphall says briskly. “Make sure to drink plenty, and you might find it easier to eat little and often – that’s fine, too. Whatever seems best to you.”

“What about the blood tests?” Becker asks. “When will the results be in?”

“Day after tomorrow.” He smiles absently at Connor and Abby, turning away.

Matt clears his throat, offering Abby his jacket again – she must have dropped it in her hurry to get to Connor’s side. Becker glances at Connor questioningly, but he shakes his head. “No, I’m fine, thanks. Can we go?”

“I’ll check with Jess, make sure the flat’s ready,” Matt offers.

“Does it have a bed?”

“Yes...”

“Then it’s ready.”

“There might still be people there,” Matt explains, already walking away.

“We do remember how to talk to people,” Abby says darkly. Connor glances at her and she subsides, pressed against him.

“So, Connor,” Becker says, mostly to fill the silence. “Are you going to keep...?” He gestures vaguely near his own chin.

Connor grins, rubbing a hand through his beard. “You don’t like it?”

“I’m not sure,” he says honestly. “It’s a bit...”

“Mad caveman?” Connor says brightly. “Evil scientist?”

“I like it,” Abby says. “It makes you look rugged.”

“It makes you look older,” Becker says quietly.

They wait in silence for Matt’s return.

Jess confirms the flat is empty. She’s had it stocked with the basics; Becker smiles at the huge fruit bowl on the kitchen table. He gives them a quick tour of the place, careful to point out the bath and the bed.

“I can stay,” he offers. “If you want someone around. Fill you in on the last year.”

Connor glances at Abby. “Actually, mate, I think we’re just going to crash. Not the best company.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Go home, Becker,” Abby says quietly.

“I’ll come back tomorrow, collect you for your debrief.”

“Thanks,” Connor agrees. “See you then.”

Becker nods, letting himself out of the flat and closing the door gently. Behind him, there are voices for several moments before Connor starts murmuring reassurances and Abby starts crying.

Becker slips into parade rest without really thinking about it. The fractured remains of his team are behind this door, and if the only thing he can give them is privacy then he’ll make sure nothing disturbs them until they’re ready. He’s honestly surprised it took them this long to break, but he’ll give them what time he can to start putting themselves back together.

He lost them once.

He’s not going to let it happen again.


	2. On a Knife Edge: Matt

They never really did decide whose fault it was. Matt, maybe, who hadn't kept track of them after their interviews. Becker, who hadn't kept track of them at all. Burton, who ignored the warning signs - though, to be fair, he had no way of recognising them.

Maybe it was no one's fault, just one of those things. Lester wasn't quite so happy with that; it felt messy, as though it was completely unavoidable, and he didn't believe that. This could easily have been avoided with just a little care.

They might not have known who was to blame, but they knew when it started.

 

Matt debriefed them together at first, at Becker's suggestion. He'd been half thinking of it anyway; he'd seen the way they were the day before, watched them try and fail to deal with things on their own. Their ordeal had made them too heavily reliant on each other to be comfortable apart yet.

So he debriefed them together, running through the year in as much detail as he thought they could handle. Connor was quiet but very passionate; Abby was angry, loud and obnoxious. He quickly got used to looking to Connor to rein her in, which he did easily with a touch or a look.

Matt was impressed at their resourcefulness. Surviving the Cretaceous at all was an incredible accomplishment, but they had come through effectively unharmed, apart from their interdependence. The medical tests had shown only a certain amount of malnutrition and some old, mostly-healed wounds.

He was intrigued by Abby’s description of Connor’s medicine garden, and the Anomaly Detector he’d built out of keys and tin cans. If asked, he would have picked Abby as the practical one, but Connor had certainly stepped up when necessary. To hear Abby’s description, it was solely down to Connor that they’d survived the various injuries they’d suffered.

He only hoped that, wherever he was, Danny Quinn was doing half as well as Connor and Abby had.

Matt took a break and got them something to eat, careful to make sure everything was sealed before it reached them. He let them eat it alone, turning off all the recording equipment and making sure no one was anywhere near the room while they ate.

He spent the time reading over the scribbled notes he’d taken while they’d talked. Half of them were to himself, noting their behaviour or something about them, something he might need to know later.

He’d studied their files and reports until he could recite them, of course, though he hadn’t been sure they’d return. The ARC files in his own time were fragmented, only bits and pieces had been recovered, and there had been nothing past the death of Sarah Page. Still, they’d been so fundamental to the ARC – Connor Temple, their tech genius, and Abby Maitland, their animal whisperer – so much a part of the place even now, he’d wanted to know them. Wanted to see how they’d helped shape this place he found himself in.

But they were just files. Words on paper. Stephen Hart’s half-exasperated comments – “Rescued Temple from being trampled; not sure he noticed, as was busy enthusing over the Plesiosaur” – Nick Cutter’s fond indulgence – “Someone might want to check Abby’s bag when she’s leaving tonight, she was very taken with the wee birds that came through the Anomaly” – even Jenny Lewis’s no nonsense reports – “Connor was able to lock the Anomaly while Abby helped to track the creature, later identified as a ___________; both performed admirably under some stress, Connor after receiving a mild concussion. No civilian or team injuries or casualties” – none of them had told him who they _were._

Becker talked about them, sometimes, but only to Jess. Matt had tried, but he got a steady stream of ‘yes sir, no sir, couldn’t say sir’ until he gave up. Lester never talked about them, not ever. Jess passed on some of what Becker told her, but she was editing, he could tell from her tone. He didn’t blame her; if Becker was telling her things in confidence, he couldn’t expect her to pass them on. But no one else had known them very well – a lot of the soldiers had died in the rescue attempts, most of the others had been rotated out when the ARC was dissolved, and the rest of the staff hadn't worked enough with Danny’s team to know the things Matt wanted to know. The tech staff talked about Connor’s brilliance; the animal handlers spoke of Abby’s compassion. But it wasn’t the whole picture.

He’d thought he was prepared for this meeting, but it was just driving home to him how much he had yet to learn. Connor and Abby could easily disrupt his carefully laid plans. This would require some thought.

When he came back in, they were talking quietly, urgently. Matt cleared his throat, dropping his papers onto the table.

"I need to talk to you separately now," he said quietly. Abby glanced sideways at Connor, who hadn't moved, but neither protested aloud. Matt continued, "Connor first, please – Abby, you can wait right outside if you like, just don't put the intercom on."

"Why do you need to talk to us separately?" Connor asked. "We've already told you everything."

"Protocol. It won't take long. Please?" He held the door open, watching Abby.

Connor caught her hand as she stood, pressing it to his lips with a smile. "No listening in, now."

"As if I care what the boys have to say." Her smile was brittle, and she didn't look at Matt as she passed him.

Matt watched until she dropped into a seat, tucking her legs underneath her. The blue uniforms they'd gotten from somewhere showed just how much weight they'd lost in the year they'd been gone.

Connor was composed and intense as he answered Matt's questions. Matt watched him between answers; this Connor bore little resemblance to the one in the files, the Connor Temple he'd studied so extensively. That Connor had never been put down, never been beaten by anything. The Connor sitting in front of him might be vocal about his intent to stay, but he wasn't fighting for it the way Matt had assumed he would.

Questions done with, Matt gave them a couple of minutes together before asking Abby to come back in. She was more as he'd expected, loud and abrasive, talking over him without listening to his answers. She wasn't giving him any details, either, shutting him down every time he tried.

He gave up, finally, letting her leave. Connor wasn't in the hall; a soldier passing by said he thought he'd seen Burton talking to him somewhere near the rec room. Matt thanked him absently, giving Abby directions and letting her go on her own.

That was probably a mistake, as it turned out.

Connor was with Burton. That much was true. But they weren't anywhere near the rec room – they were almost clear across the ARC, in fact – and Abby didn't know her way around well enough to follow anyone's directions.

Matt didn't know anything was wrong until Becker barrelled past him without stopping. Matt didn't bother to question, just fell in behind him, following him towards an empty office Burton had co-opted. Connor was sitting on the desk, nodding along as Burton talked.

Becker knocked and pushed the door open in one movement. "Connor, I need you. Come on."

"We're in the middle of something, Captain," Burton protested.

"Sorry, sir." Becker didn't sound sorry at all. "We need Connor right now."

"He doesn't even work here, surely someone else...?"

"It really has to be Connor."

Matt had been watching Connor. The younger man hadn't moved, but his knuckles were white where he gripped the edge of the table and his gaze was locked on the floor.

"He doesn't really work here," he said, talking to Burton though his eyes were still on Connor. "Maybe you shouldn't be telling him so much about what we're doing."

Becker shifted very slightly; he'd be hearing about that remark later, he had no doubt. He didn't have time to worry about it, though, because Connor's eyes had snapped up to meet his.

It was an oddly searching look, and it surprised Matt, because he'd never heard that Connor was particularly empathetic. Sensitive enough to read other people's reactions if he was paying any kind of attention, yes, but not enough to look at their eyes and read them the way he seemed to be doing now. It made Matt feel oddly exposed, but he didn't look away.

"You can have him back later," Becker was telling Burton.

"I do hope so. I'll be looking forward to it." He patted Connor's hand, the only part of him within reach.

Becker clapped a hand to Connor's shoulder at the same moment; the younger man jerked, startled out of his consideration of Matt, and carefully let go of the table. Glancing at Burton, he muttered something that might have been "Me, too," preceding Becker out of the room.

Out in the corridor he dismissed Matt – Matt could _see_ him do it, see him shift mental gears – to focus on Becker. "Where's Abby?" he demanded.

"That would be what we need you for. She's in Lester's office."

"What's going on?" Matt asked. Connor was already moving; Matt started after him without thinking.

"Abby's having some trouble." Matt raised an eyebrow and Becker continued, "She's got some idea that the ARC is trying to split them up. Keep them apart. She doesn't really seem sure why, but she's pretty sure it's happening."

"I spent all night trying to talk her out of that," Connor muttered, glancing around helplessly as they reached an intersection. "Becker..."

"This way." Becker slipped into the lead. Connor followed him quickly, almost treading on his heels.

Matt watched him as they jogged through the corridors. Connor looked tired, worn down by everything that had happened. _Probably in shock still,_ he thought. "Connor, can someone else...?"

"Talk her down? I don't think so, no. She wouldn't listen to you?"

"No," Becker said evenly.

"And Lester?"

"He got her out of Command and into his office, but that's about it. I don't think she's hearing us, to be honest."

Connor nodded, glancing back at Matt. "She doesn’t know anyone else. Not well enough, not anymore. Neither of us do. The ARC didn't used to be this big," he added impatiently.

"Lester spent Burton's money on it when the PPP came in," Becker said absently.

"More room for the guns, I suppose."

"EMDs," Matt said automatically. Connor glanced back, that strange, searching look on his face again, and then dismissed Matt completely as they reached Command.

Matt glanced around. The room was completely empty apart from Jess, who was valiantly concentrating on her screens rather than on Lester's office. Even the ever-present soldiers had vanished somewhere; no one would see anything that happened.

 _See anything_ – Matt touched his earpiece. "Jess, the cameras...?"

"What cameras?" She didn't turn, though she had to know they were there.

"Good girl," he said softly. To Becker, he added, "Better get this done before the ADD goes off – we can't keep the room empty then." Becker nodded absently, glancing briefly at Jess.

Connor was already at the door of Lester's office when Matt turned back, trying to catch Abby's attention without getting too close to her. She didn't seem to be physically threatening anything – most of Lester’s paperwork was still stacked neatly on his desk – but she was clearly very upset, yelling and pacing back and forth.

Lester finally got her attention and she half-turned, keeping one eye on him.

"Alright?" Connor asked gently. He still didn't move towards her, standing firmly in the doorway. Keeping them from getting in, Matt realised too late.

"Abby, alright?" Connor asked again. It was the same word he'd used yesterday. Matt noted it; it meant something to them, beyond the obvious.

"Where were you?" Abby was vibrating in place.

"Sorry. Philip – Burton – wanted to talk to me, and I couldn't figure out how to tell him no. I said I was waiting for you, but he said he just needed a minute, and then we were gone. I don't – I'm sorry, Abs." He held out a hand, waiting until she took a step towards him.

"Connor –“ Lester started. Connor shook his head sharply and he fell silent, watching them warily.

"Will we go?" he asked quietly. "I'm kind of hungry. Doc said we could have solids today. I'm thinking sandwich."

"Connor," Abby murmured.

"They aren't trying to split us up," he told her. "I'm sorry I wasn't waiting. It won't happen again. I'm happy here."

She nodded. Matt noted, again, that the words meant something beyond the obvious. “Alright.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She smiled shakily.

Connor moved forward, reaching to pull her into a hug. Abby pushed him away, eyes flickering uneasily to Matt and Becker. Connor stopped, backpedalling as she fended him off, watching her uncertainly.

“Let’s just go,” she said softly. “Please?”

“Yeah. ‘Course.”

Matt took a couple of steps back, touching his earpiece again. “Jess, can we get the corridors empty for a couple of minutes?”

“On it,” she agreed, already typing quickly. Matt looked up, catching Becker’s eye, and he nodded quickly.

“Connor, let me walk you out.”

Connor nodded absently, still watching Abby. “Yeah. Thanks, mate. Lester...”

“Later,” Lester said, waving him off. “Get yourselves home before you damage something in here.”

“Home,” Abby scoffed, but the fight had gone out of her; she let Connor guide her out of the room, though she twisted away from his touch.

Matt watched Becker shepherd them down the corridor, turning back to Lester when they were out of sight. “What happened?”

“Who knows?” Lester circled his desk, sitting absently. “Abby came to Command looking for Connor. I thought he was still with you –“

“I had to talk to them separately, so he was waiting outside,” Matt supplied. “He says Burton came past and swept him off.”

Lester grimaced. “I had hoped to keep them apart a little longer.”

“You think there’s going to be trouble?”

“Connor is brilliant, in awe of Burton, and watched his last mentor die in his arms. He wants approval.”

“Trouble,” Matt said with a sigh. “He was certainly uncomfortable when Becker and I found him.” Shaking his head, he added, “I got the impression Burton didn't think much of Connor. Undisciplined, I believe Jess said.”

"I believe that was the impression we were supposed to get. Connor's put everything he is into this place, and we're rejecting him. A weaker person might be tempted by a brilliant man taking an interest in him at a low point." He considered for a moment. "Perhaps a word with our good Captain – and Jess, if you think she can keep it quiet. Until we can get this sorted out, Connor is not to be left alone anywhere Burton can get to him."

"You are planning to bring him back."

"I have every intention of getting them both back on the team. But it takes diplomacy, which is more my job than yours. Believe me, if shooting something would solve this problem I'd have called you long ago."

"Aye." Matt nodded, straightening and glancing down into Command. "Abby?" he reminded Lester.

“Was very unhappy when I told her I didn’t know where Connor was,” Lester said tiredly. “She seemed to think we were trying to keep them apart, though she wasn’t very clear about why. Jess cleared the room – commendable initiative – and I was able to get Abby in here, though she was very, very unhappy about it. Becker overheard, tried to calm her down, and when she wouldn’t listen went to find Connor.”

“He’s on the edge. Keeping Abby sane is wearing at him, and being so close to home and not quite there...”

“I’m working on that,” Lester assured him.

“I hope so. We can use them, and I’m not sure they’ll walk away.”

“I’m quite sure they won’t.” Lester sighed, reaching for the nearest file. “Don’t let me keep you,” he said without looking up. “I’m sure you have plenty to do.”

“Yes,” Matt agreed, letting himself out.

Jess was watching him and he crossed to stand by the ADD, absently examining the screens. “That was well done, Jess. You were perfect.”

“Are they alright? Abby and Connor?”

“Yeah. They’re just having some trouble adjusting. They’ll be fine.” He smiled at her, heading for his lab.

Becker found him there a couple of hours later, tending the plant Gideon had given him. It was going to be tricky to keep it in top condition here, so far from its’ tropical home, but Matt relished the challenge.

“How are Abby and Connor?” Matt asked, gesturing Becker in.

“Connor’s asleep. He fell asleep in the car on the way back. Abby was going to eat something and then join him. She didn’t want me to stay.”

“Sleep might be the best thing for them. They’re obviously exhausted.”

Becker leaned against the counter, watching him. “What do you care? He doesn’t really work here.” Matt mentally grimaced at the tone; Becker hadn’t been this openly antagonistic in months.

“We needed to get him away from Burton. Connor hasn’t been dealing any better than Abby has, he’s just been quieter about it. We needed to get him out of there before anything happened.” Matt considered him for a minute. “I want them back. You know that. I think we could really use them. But it isn’t my decision.”

“I don’t think it did him any good, hearing you say that.”

“I think he knew exactly why I was saying it,” Matt disagreed. “What happens now?”

“They take a few days off. Lester finds a way to get them back on the team. We go on.”

“We go on,” Matt echoed, knowing full well he meant more than the team.

The ARC had gone on without them, without Connor and Abby and Danny. But Matt was starting to see that it had been a pale imitation of itself. Connor and Abby could work wonders here, if they were allowed.

Becker left, apparently satisfied he’d made his point, and Matt touched the plant again. “We go on.”


	3. On a Knife Edge: Connor

This chapter runs mostly parallel to chapter two.

Chapter Three

 

Connor wasn't quite sure what to make of Matt.

It didn't help that he was tired, exhausted almost to the point of being unable to function. He'd grown used to being tired in the Cretaceous, but it had been normal there, part of that life. Wake up tired, forage tired, run for your life tired. Here it felt wrong to be this worn out, as though he was falling down on the job. This wasn't his ARC, not any more, but he still felt oddly responsible.

He'd spent most of the night awake with Abby. She'd become convinced that the ARC wanted to split them up, keep them separate. He wasn't quite sure why she thought this, but it had taken him most of the night to talk her out of it, and he'd only dozed for a while before waking when she left their bed to stand guard. It had taken another long time to talk her into coming in for their debriefs today.

He couldn't get a read on Matt. He couldn't get a read on anyone, not anymore, not after a year with only Abby. He’d forgotten how to read people. Lester, who he'd once thought he knew well enough, was completely impenetrable. Becker, who had been his friend – or something close to a friend, anyway – was unfathomable. Sarah...

He could understand Jess. She was still in the flush of Anomaly Joy, still excited every time they opened, still not comprehending how much they could take from her. She'd learn. For her sake, he hoped it took a long time.

He thought he might like Matt, eventually. Becker did, he could see that much, and Connor trusted Becker. Even now, when he couldn't read people or situations or places, in this world that was like a fun-house version of his, he trusted Becker's insights and decisions.

"You're exhausted," Matt said, not unkindly. Connor blinked, refocusing as though he hadn't just drifted off in the middle of his debrief. He wondered how Abby was doing, outside in the corridor. "Let someone else carry the burden for a while."

Matt didn't understand. Couldn't understand. He'd joined the ARC after Sarah had...after the changes, after the PPP was already well in effect. He hadn't buried Ryan, Stephen, _Nick_. He hadn't lost Danny. He hadn't paid in blood.

Connor couldn't face trying to explain any of that right now.

Matt kept talking; Connor was only parsing about half the questions, so he just kept repeating his intention to continue with Cutter's work. He thought maybe he saw a glimmer of respect in Matt's eyes, but it could as easily have been boredom or anger. He really couldn't get a handle on him.

Matt gave up eventually – and Connor couldn't quite figure out why he'd even separated them in the first place; he hadn't asked anything different or private – and ended Connor's interview. Rising to open the door, he hesitated before saying slowly, "You know Lester has a counsellor on staff."

"Really. How long's the ARC had a therapist, then?"

"Since before I joined. After you, and Danny, and Sarah – it was deemed prudent."

"Priorities," Connor muttered. Catching Matt's raised eyebrow, he added, "No team leader, but at least everyone was well-adjusted. I don't need counselling."

"It's there if you change your mind." He took another step towards the door. Connor hadn't moved, staring at the table.

"I made this place, you know," he said suddenly. He didn't look up; if he had to look at Matt's face, he wasn't sure he'd get through this. "I don't – not this place –“ and his gesture took in the whole ARC “– but the Project. Stephen, and the Professor and me, Abby, we were the first to see an Anomaly, and we were there because I'd told him something was happening. The ADD, the portable unit, the locker, that's all me. I'm in this place, it's in me, and I am not going anywhere."

Matt considered him for a moment before nodding. "I understand," he said calmly, and _God,_ didn't the man _ever_ emote? He'd looked exactly the same facing down a dinosaur as he did right now.

Abby was pacing the corridor when he stepped out; she asked him twice if he was alright, but she didn't touch him. She hadn't touched him since they'd arrived here this morning, though she hadn't refused his touches. Connor wasn't pushing her; if she was starting to find her balance on her own, all the better.

He dropped into her chair as Matt closed the door, leaning his head back against the wall. Matt had been right about one thing; he really was exhausted. And for the next little while, all he had to do was sit here and listen to the sound of their voices.

“Ah, Connor.”

 _Damnit_. Connor cracked open one eye to see Philip Burton standing over him.

Startled, he sat upright. “Phi – Mr Burton. Hi.”

“Philip is fine,” he said pleasantly. “I didn’t realise you were back in the building.”

Connor gestured to the door. “Debriefs.”

“Ah yes, of course. I’m looking forward to studying them. Should be fascinating.”

“Hmm.” He managed to smile.

“Actually, if you have a moment, I have something to talk to you about. Walk with me?”

“Oh, no, I’m...Abby’s inside, I promised I’d wait for her.”

“It’ll only take a moment. You’ll be back before she’s finished. Come along, you’ll want to hear this.”

Connor found himself following Philip without any real idea of how it had happened. Exhaustion was pushing on his senses, narrowing his focus and clouding his reactions. Philip was talking, but his voice was fading in and out and Connor couldn’t follow it properly.

They were in an office, Connor sitting on a table, Philip pacing as he spoke. He was talking about the future of the ARC, Connor’s future, and Connor was trying to follow it but it was just noise, nothing that _meant_ anything. Closing his eyes earlier had obviously been a mistake; he couldn’t think past the fog in his brain. It was taking all his concentration just to sit upright.

Philip kept talking, apparently not noticing or not caring that Connor wasn’t responding. Connor nodded in what he hoped were the right places, but he was starting to get anxious. Surely his debrief hadn't taken this long. Abby would be looking for him, and he had no idea how to get back to that room.

Someone pushed the door open. Connor didn’t turn; it took him a moment to even realise what was going on, and by then Becker was talking. “Connor, I need you. Come on.”

“We’re in the middle of something, Captain,” Philip protested.

“Sorry, sir.” Connor snorted mentally; if Becker was sorry, he’d eat his hat. “We need Connor right now.”

“He doesn’t even work here, surely someone else...?”

“It really has to be Connor.”

“He doesn’t really work here.” Matt, that was Matt, and if he was here he wasn’t with Abby, so where...? “Maybe you shouldn’t be telling him so much about what we’re doing.”

Connor looked up at that. Matt hadn’t struck him as cruel, whatever else he was. But there was only empathy in Matt’s eyes, and Connor was suddenly positive he would like him eventually.

“You can have him back later,” Becker said.

“I do hope so,” Philip said. “I’ll be looking forward to it.”

His hand was covering Connor’s suddenly. Connor jumped at the contact, vaguely aware that Becker was touching him too, grounding him, turning him towards the door. He said something to Philip, not even sure what he was saying, and turned on Becker as the door closed. “Where’s Abby?”

“That would be what we need you for. She’s in Lester’s office.”

Matt was talking, but Connor didn’t hear him, already heading for the office. The thought _Abby needs me_ was enough to burn most of the exhaustion away, holding it at bay. Becker and Matt followed him, Becker explaining Abby’s sudden fixation to Matt.

“I spent all night trying to talk her _out_ of that,” Connor muttered. They’d reached an intersection and he paused, looking helplessly around. It all looked the same. “Becker?”

“This way.” Becker passed him, brushing his arm, and jogged quickly along one of the identical corridors.

“Connor,” Matt said from behind him. “Can someone else...?”

It took Connor a moment to figure out what he meant. “Talk her down? I don’t think so, no. She wouldn’t listen to you?”

“No,” Becker said absently.

“And Lester?”

“He got her out of Command and into his office, but that’s about it. I don’t think she’s hearing us, to be honest.” Becker glanced back, meeting his gaze, and Connor nodded before twisting to look over his shoulder at Matt.

“She doesn’t know anyone else. Not well enough, not anymore.” He carefully didn’t list the people who _might_ have been able to do it, once, before they’d all been lost. “Neither of us do – the ARC didn’t used to be this big.”

“Lester spent Burton’s money on it when the PPP came in,” Becker told him. Connor smiled faintly; Becker was still acting as though they were on his team, and it made this place seem just a little like home.

“More room for the guns, I suppose,” he said, because Becker would be expecting it.

“EMDs,” Matt said nonsensically. Connor glanced back at him, but they’d reached Command and he turned his attention to Lester’s office. Abby was standing inside, yelling at Lester, but as far as he could tell she wasn’t throwing anything. That was a good sign.

He stepped into the doorway, gripping the frame on both sides. He had no illusions that he could actually keep Matt and Becker out if they wanted to get in, but he could at least make it harder for them.

Lester gestured over Abby's shoulder and she half-turned, keeping one eye on him even as she was looking for Connor. The look on her face broke his heart, but he kept his voice and eyes steady. "Alright?"

She didn't answer, eyes flicking past him to eye Becker and Matt. Connor shifted slightly – _It's alright, I won't let them in_ – and she looked back at him, finally dismissing Lester. "Abby, alright?"

"Where were you?" she asked finally.

"Sorry. Philip – Burton – wanted to talk to me, and I couldn't figure out how to tell him no. I said I was waiting for you, but he said he just needed a minute, and then we were gone. I don't – I'm sorry, Abby." He let go of the doorframe with one hand, reaching towards her; Abby took one step, no more, and he let his hand drop.

"Connor," Lester began. Connor shook his head quickly – the last thing they needed right now was Lester ranting about inappropriate behaviour in the workplace. For once he took the hint, falling silent to watch them.

"Will we go?" he asked softly, keeping his eyes on Abby. "I'm kind of hungry. Doc said we could have solids today, I'm thinking: sandwich." That was playing dirty, knowing she wouldn't refuse him, but he couldn't think of any other way to get her out of here. And they couldn't be here, not right now. The ADD could go off any minute and neither of them was in any state to handle it.

"Connor..."

"They aren't trying to split us up," he said again, willing her to believe it. He did; whatever the differences between this world and theirs, he didn't believe Lester or Becker would ever willingly do anything to harm them. "I'm sorry I wasn't waiting. It won't happen again. I'm happy here."

 _With you,_ he didn't say, but he knew she heard it anyway.

Abby nodded, finally convinced – or, like him, too tired to fight right now. "Alright."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He reached to pull her into a hug but Abby pushed him away, all too aware of Matt watching them. Connor stumbled backwards at her shove, uncertain but unwilling to force anything.

"Let's just go," she said apologetically. "Please?"

"Yeah. 'Course." He summoned up a smile from somewhere.

"Connor, let me walk you out," Becker said softly. _In case you get lost again,_ Connor filled in mentally, but he couldn't afford to turn down the help.

"Yeah. Thanks, mate. Lester..."

"Later." Lester waved him off, deliberately picking up a file and opening it. "Get yourselves home before you damage something in here."

"Home," Abby scoffed, but she didn't resist when Connor gestured to the door. She pulled away from his touch and he let her, too tired to do anything else.

He registered for the first time that Command was empty; well, all apart from Jess, who was very pointedly ignoring them, watching the screens. Connor lingered for just a moment, but she didn't look up, and he turned to Becker.

"I'll tell her," he murmured. "Corridors are clear. Let's get you home, yeah?"

"Yeah, wouldn't want to risk us actually seeing people," Abby muttered.

"Abs..." He couldn't think. He couldn't focus. He didn’t know how to deal with the bitterness in her tone. "Please, can we just...let's go, please? I need..."

"Connor?" Her eyes were wide and alarmed. "Yeah, let's go. Sleep, huh? Sound good?"

He laughed, a torn, broken noise, and tugged her into a hug, burying his face in her hair. She let him do it, but she was stiff and uncomfortable and he let go after a moment.

"Sleep sounds so good," he said, scrubbing absently at his face. It was wet, for some reason. "Can you drive us, Becker?"

"Sure, if you want. Come on." Becker was carefully not noticing his breakdown, and Connor was grateful for it.

Abby tugged him into the back seat of the car, curling against him as they drove. Connor let the world grey out, content to sit there and do nothing. After a while she was pulling gently at his arm, and he followed her blindly, obeying her directions until he was lying down and the world was receding rapidly.

When he woke, a lot later, the haze in his mind had cleared. He spent a while staring at the ceiling, enjoying not having anything to do, until the door opened and Becker stuck his head in. “You awake?”

“Mmph. More or less. What’s up?”

“How are you feeling?”

“Not as though I’m about to break down in the middle of the ARC, thanks.”

“Snap.” Abby slid around Becker, sitting on the side of the bed and pushing his hair back. “You alright?”

“Yeah.” He kissed her hand gently, drawing it down to hold. “Did you sleep?”

“Twice.” She smiled at the look on his face. “Twenty eight hours, Conn, really?”

“Twen...” He looked at Becker, who nodded confirmation.

“Lester sent Dr Westphall over yesterday,” Abby continued. “He said it was just – everything catching up at once, and to let you sleep.”

“And you slept?”

“Yeah. Not twenty eight hours, but yeah.”

“You’re not to come in for a couple of days,” Becker said. “Jess says there’s some of your stuff in storage, mostly from the old ARC. When you’re feeling up to it, you can come in and see if there’s anything worth keeping in it.”

“Thanks. Abby, you couldn’t get us a drink, could you?”

She studied him for a moment before climbing off the bed, slipping out past Becker again. He took a step in, pulling the door not quite closed behind her.

“How is she?” Connor asked, low and urgent.

“Seems a lot better. She says she knows we’re not trying to split you up or hurt you – we’re not, you know.”

“I know,” Connor said, startled.

Becker smiled, but it didn’t touch his eyes. “You talked in the car on the way back here.”

“I don’t remember the car on the way back here. What was I saying?”

“Didn’t make sense to me, but you weren’t talking to me, you were talking to Abby. She seemed to know what you meant.”

Connor tried, but everything was hidden under the blanket of exhaustion. “I don’t – was I talking to _Burton_?”

“Yeah. Connor...” he hesitated before shaking his head. “Never mind. I’m going to go, let Lester know you’re feeling better. Call me before you come back in, yeah?”

“I will,” Connor agreed distantly. “Becker?” He paused, looking back, and Connor asked, “Do you like Matt?”

Becker considered it. “He’s a good man. Tries hard. He knows his stuff.” Connor raised an eyebrow, and he grimaced. “We’re not friends, Connor, but he’s a good leader.”

“That’s what I thought,” Connor said, mostly to himself.

Abby tapped on the door, meeting Becker’s eyes without flinching when he opened it. “Should I go pretend to be busy some more?”

“No. We’re finished. Later, Connor.”

“Later,” Connor said absently. Abby came to sit beside him again, passing him the glass of water from his locker.

Connor watched her until she smiled, pushing the glass at him again. “I’m alright, Connor. Promise. I was just – I couldn’t get out of my head, that’s all. Too tired to see what was really happening.”

“Becker said I was talking, in the car.”

“Not really talking. I mean, words, but you weren’t saying anything.” She studied him for a moment. “I didn’t realise how tired you were. I’m sorry.”

“All over now.” He tugged lightly at her arm, guiding her to lie down next to him. “Let’s just – let’s just be here, yeah? We’ll worry about the ARC tomorrow.”

“Sounds good to me.” She curled against him, relaxing. After a while her breathing evened out; Connor lay, enjoying the novelty of not having to be on guard, until sleep overcame him as well.


End file.
